Dec 23, 2022
“It isn’t what happens to us that causes us to suffer; it’s what we say to ourselves about what happens.”
~ Pema Chodron
Guest Introduction:
Welcome to another episode of Exploring the Seasons of Life, a podcast for women with a big heart on a spiritual journey who are ready to lead healthier and happier lives and improve their emotional well-being. My name is Cindy MacMillan.
In this season of the podcast, I’m inviting you to lean into well-being. Well-being takes into account the entire person, body, mind and spirit. It’s feeling good and functioning well; it’s experiencing positive emotions such as contentment and gratitude; it’s developing your potential, having a sense of purpose, and experiencing close relationships.
In this episode of Exploring the Seasons of Life, we are chatting about grief and how it shows up in the adoption journey. And my guest is Kim Noeth.
Kim is a grief recovery specialist working with post adoption grief and other trauma related issues that prevent people from moving forward in life and pursuing their dreams.
Here’s a glimpse of our conversation:
Welcome to the show, Kim. Thank you for being here.
1:31 So in my personal life, and also very much so on the adoption journey. I think for me, the seasons of life represent the constant change that's always present on that journey. You know, some of those changes are behind the scenes, and some of it's in the spotlight. And I guess I kind of see it, like a birth, a death and a rebirth cycle that's always going on and happening, you know, sure, you know, you'll experience great joy one minute, and then another, you know, you can be brought to your knees and sorrow.
10:41 I wrote him a letter, and I kept a copy of it for myself. And always hoping that maybe one day he would read that letter and know that if he ever wanted to look for me, I would be ever so grateful to be able to, you know, meet with him again. Life went on, had lots of children and experienced lots of things. Never heard anything, remembering when he turned 18, I was super hopeful.
14:14 And the very first time I laid my eyes on my son, it was as if a piece of my soul came back to me. It was an incredible, incredible experience. We sat together, had some coffee, and just talked. And what was most incredible was realizing that even after all these years of separation, there was still a huge part of me in him. And so much of us is similar.
15:32 You know, adoption has a lot of joy. And it has a lot of sorrow. And we have to be willing to embrace both parts.
17:09 I think one of the biggest components in the adoption journey is what is called disenfranchised grief. And that's almost a grief that has no closure, if I can simplify it in that way.
24:57 I think one of the biggest is being willing to realize especially in the adoption journey, that you have to do your own healing, it's so important for both the mom and the adoptee to do their own healing, to be able to come together and be human. But also to recognize that we can't fix this for each other at the level that, you know, the depth of the level that it is, you know, moms carry a lot of shame.
30:48 There's something that is a very powerful tool, both to birth moms and adoptees. It's a podcast that's called “Who am I Really?” and it's by a man named Damon L. Davis. What I love about his perspective is he invites it in conversations that allow especially a birth mom to hear stories of adoptees that aren't painfully personal.
34:14 Every adoptee wants to know, first of all that they're deeply loved, and that they were thought of over the years. You know, I was shocked to have conversations with my son where he was surprised that I was, you know, thinking of him at the level that I was.
38:58 A lot of the work that I do in the Brave and Noble circles is being willing to go first, you know, being willing to be vulnerable, and to model what that looks like. And I do some of that on social media through the Brave and Noble circles.
You can find Kim Noeth at:
Birth Moms Today FaceBook Instagram
IF YOU LOVED THIS EPISODE WITH KIM NOETH YOU’LL ALSO LOVE THE CONVERSATIONS I HAD WITH:
Lynn Principe is an End-of-Life Doula, Coach and Celebrant
The New Face of Grief with Katie Rössler
Conversation with End-of-Life Doula, Sue Phillips
Grief and Secondary Losses with Nesreen Ahmed
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I truly feel this is a beautiful fit with my mission to serve and support women in every season of their life; beginnings, endings + the messy bits in-between.
I'm also doing this for my overall well-being, and want to share my journey with you, as I rediscover the benefits of essential oils.
👉 Contact me to get started on your journey. My e-mail is Cindy@CynthiaMacMillan.com or go here to my doTERRA website.