Jul 30, 2020
Cindy: (00:00)
This is Exploring the Seasons of Life podcast episode 19. I’m Cindy
MacMillan and today’s guest is Reverend Julie Petroski.
Welcome to Exploring the Seasons of Life, a podcast for women
with a big heart on a spiritual journey. Each week, join Cindy
MacMillan as she interviews coaches, spiritual explorers and
celebrants from all walks of life about beginnings, endings and the
messy bits in-between. Self-love, well-being, and mindset are at
the heart of our conversations because once you change the inside,
the outside will begin to change as well.
Cindy: (00:39)
Welcome back to Exploring the Seasons of Life podcast. Thank you
for listening. I can’t wait for you to meet my guest today. Rev.
Julie Petroski is a Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant, a specially
trained ceremony specialist. Through her organization RiteWords
Ceremonies, Rev. Julie honors and celebrates individuals, couples,
and families and what they believe through uniquely personal
ceremonies. Whether it's a custom-designed wedding, a personalized
end-of-life ceremony, a tailored memorial for a companion animal,
or a bespoke experience for a personal milestone, Rev. Julie
creates and officiates for all. Welcome to the podcast Rev.
Julie!
Rev. Julie Petroski: (01:22)
Thank you so much. I'm very excited to be here today with you.
Cindy: (01:26)
I'm really excited to have you.
Cindy: (01:28)
I want to start off with my signature question. I ask everybody
this question because I honestly love all the answers and different
perspectives. What does exploring the seasons of life mean to you
personally or in your business?
Rev. Julie Petroski: (01:45)
Throughout my life I’ve always been the kind of person to push
boundaries and try new things. In my 20s I traveled alone to learn
about myself and figure out what I was capable of. I chose a career
as an advertising creative, I’m a writer. It was a path I picked in
hopes that I’d never stop learning. In my 30s and 40s, I pushed
myself to be a leader of other creatives as a way to learn and
grow. I started learning how to grow my own food. I have a very big
garden.
Rev. Julie Petroski: (02:38)
I really wanted to experience it. I'm not a parent, but I wanted to
help, nurture something. And I think that was where I went with
that. And now that I'm in my fifties, I'm 51 and I'm proactively
preparing for this next big phase of my life. I'm hoping to retire
at approximately 55 - 65; retire from advertising, if all goes as
planned. And, you know, as we all know right now, you know, there's
all plans are pretty much out the window these days, but, I feel
that my flexibility and creativity and writing they have always
been the tools that I've used to deal with, whatever life throws
me. That's kind of what exploring the seasons of life has meant to
me thus far in my, personal and professional career.
Cindy: (03:26)
Thank you. That was beautiful. When you were talking about growing
a garden, my stepmother has this huge garden and when I went to
visit her in Arkansas and it was, you know, the watermelons, the
beans, the tomatoes, the okra, everything, it was just beautiful.
Do you still have your garden?
Rev. Julie Petroski: (03:44)
Oh, yes. I'm the crazy plant lady. I have raised beds, stock tanks.
I grow a variety of vegetables year-round. If at all possible, here
in Dallas, Texas, it is possible to have a garden, uh, most of the
year, unless we have a bad freeze or snow. And we do every couple
of years, but not as much as a lot of other places and actually
fall in winter. if we don't have a freeze, they are the best times
to garden here in Texas, because it's not so hot and we don't have
that many bugs.
Cindy: (04:22)
So what I really want to talk to you today about, one of the many,
is when life doesn't turn out the way we've planned or expected,
what's next? Can we talk about that in terms of COVID and becoming
a Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant?
Rev. Julie Petroski: (04:40)
Definitely, what's next for me has already started, I became a
Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant in 2018 to begin my next phase
career journey. That was important to me to have a plan, to start
thinking about what I would do next. My husband is five years older
than I am, so he does want to retire. He wanted to retire sooner
than I thought I would be ready to retire. And I couldn't imagine
just being done. So for me, I learned about celebrancy many years
ago when I was still living in California and I had read about it
or maybe seeing something on television about it. And so I sought
that out. And even though I'm currently still employed in
advertising full time, I've begun my celebrant work. I've done many
kinds of ceremonies already. I've done weddings, retirement
ceremonies, celebrations of life, cancer survivor anniversary
ceremonies, home blessings, and pet memorials.
Rev. Julie Petroski: (05:43)
That said though COVID-19 has changed the trajectory of my
celebrant practice with all these restrictions, you know, local and
national due to the pandemic. And also, you know, practical many
couples have postponed weddings and I have not done a zoom Memorial
myself. I know a lot of other celebrants are spending a fair amount
of their time, officiating Memorial ceremony, especially via zoom.
So what I've done though, is I've turned to other ways to support
people and show them that despite what's going on our planet,
there's still a lot of love and light out there for everybody. And
so I'm doing my part to share that with them.
Cindy: (06:28)
I know that when we were talking on the phone several days ago, you
mentioned you had started a letter-writing ministry, and I would
love to hear the story behind that and how it got started. And
after you and I had talked, I read an article written by Jay Morris
and in it, he said “there’s something about a handwritten note.
Both the act of writing one and receiving one are heartfelt
expressions of our humanity. Sender and receiver are elevated to a
higher plane of interaction and connection that transcends normal
communication about where to have lunch or when that big project is
due.” And when I read that, I thought, yeah, a handwritten note,
how many of us get those these days? So could you talk about
that?
Rev. Julie Petroski: (07:17)
I agree with the author, a hundred percent. I read that article
also and I received a handwritten note yesterday in my mail, and I
know how it made me feel. You know, it really, it boosts your
spirits, even if it's a thank you note for something that you've
done or it's, you know, a birthday card or whatever. And I've
always loved getting mail. And that's, that's one of the reasons
that I actually am in the advertising field that I'm in because we
do a lot of mail to people. But as a celebrant, I have always done
a mail ministry of some kind as part of my practice. To me, it's
just one more way to add a bit of ritual and ceremony to the every
day I have been in volunteer through an organization called
moreloveletters.com for many years.
Rev. Julie Petroski: (08:06)
And I write a handful of letters each month in response to their
ask. They usually ask for, you know, four to six letters a month.
And I'm that person who sends birthday cards to kids and seniors
when, you know, the TV news asks for cards for seniors hitting a
big milestone birthday, like 110 or 105. And you know, that's all
they want are cards. I'm one of those people. And I do it on
people's asks on Facebook, but in May, I decided to amp things up.
And I, christened May, my May Mail Ministry. And that came from my
desire to spread love and light, during the darkest days for many
people, it was it, you know, I think a lot of people at that point
had assumed that COVID would be winding down, would be almost over
and they could go back to life as they had preferred to experience
it. It didn’t happen.
Rev. Julie Petroski: (09:04)
Seniors are lonely. Parents are overwhelmed. Young people are
frustrated by being housebound and people are reacting in many ways
to the safety restrictions. Some honestly need just a bit of
cheering up. So that's why I decided in May to do something, to
help. And I put out a call on my personal Facebook page and on my
ministry Facebook page and my Instagram page. And I offered to send
a letter, a note or card to anybody who wanted one. And so, I was
writing, up to 10 letters, cards and notes per day. During, the
first week of June, I also have a friend who in Northern California
who has an organization that provides food for housebound seniors.
So one Saturday I made a hundred notes and these were just very
simple notes, very colorful, more art, than writing, but it was
important because these seniors missed having even a little bit of
time to socialize with the volunteers delivering the food.
Rev. Julie Petroski: (10:08)
And the purpose of the notes was to remind the seniors that they
matter because they do. And, you know, they were feeling very
isolated and alone, and that was just not that that hurt my heart.
And so I wanted to do something to help. And honestly, it was
really fun to do. I mean, how many times do you get to get the
markers out and have a good time, just, you know, making sunny,
happy notes for people. And then one other thing I did during that
period, it was like the universe is bringing me all these
opportunities, a coffee shop in Atlanta. I don't go there but More
Love Letters was connected to them. And they were doing acts of
service to celebrate their, I believe the fifth anniversary of
being a company. And so one of the things that they asked her,
their clientele to do is to help them write notes to people
hospitalized with COVID. So another Saturday I did 50 notes to
strangers who were hospitalized and they were just going to be
distributed as you know, reminders to these people that, you know,
even though they're very sick, you know, they matter and somebody
out there loves them and somebody knows that they're there. So that
was fun. I've enjoyed all the activities that I did. And I have, I
continue to, you know, do quite a bit of mail, but May was my big
month.
Cindy: (11:30)
I just love that that's coming from your heart. You're doing
something to help your fellow human being. And I just love that.
But what I want to ask you as a couple of things, one, when you're
writing these notes, what are you talking about? I mean, there's,
they're strangers and are you, how do you start that? And how does,
how would somebody get started to write letters? I will say that
occasionally I do see something on Facebook and it's typically been
to our soldiers. How does, how does somebody get started in that?
Because I can see your passion when you talk about that.
Rev. Julie Petroski: (12:05)
Well, when I was a little girl, you might remember this show. It
was a really long time ago go called The Big Blue Marble and you
could get, if you wrote into big blue marble, you could get a pen
pal from some other country. And so that's where this all started
for me. I've been writing letters since I think I could write. My
grandparents live very far away from where my family lived. So I
would write to my grandmother who was a school teacher, letters and
she would write me back. And it's always been something that I
enjoy doing. When I write for moreloveletters.com. We do get a
little bit of background on the situation. So a lot of times, you
know, it could be, we're cheering somebody up because something
devastating has happened in their life or they're, you know,
they're having personal struggles.
Rev. Julie Petroski: (12:58)
So we get that background and we'll know a little bit about that.
And I, what I do is I think about if I was in that situation, what
would I need to hear? Um, and then if I've never been in that
situation, and I don't know exactly what to say, I just put things
out there that tell these people that they are loved. And, um, one
of the things that, you know, I might do is explain, you know, you
know, give them motivational prompts or words that they can latch
onto to know that how special they are based on, based on the
description I'm giving. And, you know, sometimes you have to think
about, you know, what could you add to it? I often add quotes that
I think could be helpful or, you know, a little picture that could
be helpful, a meme from the internet that might, that might be
nice.
Rev. Julie Petroski: (13:56)
Um, just anything that can help somebody feel connected. And I
think it's really important also to realize that these letters
aren't just read once for some people, they actually, you know, I
have, I have boxes of letters. People have written to me because I
might not look at them every day, but there might come a time where
I want to go through them and remember, and things like that. So
some people will literally put them aside, maybe it's too
overwhelming to read, you know, 200 letters from strangers, right.
At first, or, and, or maybe, you know, it meant so much to them
that they'll keep it for those tough days. And they'll just pull
one out and read it and remember, you know, what happened and how
they, how they were blessed with such a big box of, of, uh,
letters. So that's how I do it. I, I really, I, before sit down to
write though, I try to get myself in the right frame of mind.
Right. You know, you're, you're spreading love. So you need to be
someone who is full of loving-kindness and is thinking, um, you
know, those, those kinds of thoughts. Cause that's what you want to
have on the paper.
Cindy: (15:10)
Reverend Julie, thank you for those tips, um, of how you start, you
know, writing those letters. Because I think that will be very
helpful. Cause sometimes, you know, I have seen those calls and I
would think, what do I say, how do I get started? So that was very
helpful.
Rev. Julie Petroski: (15:27)
I think if you just have it come from your heart, um, you know, and
you, you just come from a real place of love. Uh, you don't think
about, you know, what's going on in the world necessarily. You're,
you're just trying to, you're trying to encourage somebody on an
individual level and it's, uh, you know, you can't see them, but
you're just trying to think about that connection and how you can,
how you can send them the love that they deserve and show them that
they matter.
Speaker 1: (15:58)
Yeah. And we, and we all need to hear that from time to time. And
it's, we need to hear that from time to time all, you know,
throughout our lives. But especially during this time. So you
mentioned pets earlier, and I know that in your celebrancy work,
you've done several pet memorials. Can, can you talk about that a
little bit because you know, 67% of us households, or that's really
about 85 million families own a pet pets are very near and dear to
our hearts. Can you talk a little bit about pet memorials and how,
how that got started for you?
Rev. Julie Petroski: (16:33)
Yes, that’s right. I became a Celebrant to focus on funerals, end
of life, celebrations of life. I wanted to help families who want
to honor their loved ones but didn’t know what to do or where to
start. Maybe they didn’t have a specific religious practice or
belief. Or maybe the deceased said they didn’t want a funeral. I
knew from my own experiences when loved ones die and you do nothing
because they didn’t want it, how very difficult it can be to move
on to the next chapter of life, a life without that person in
physical form.
Rev. Julie Petroski: (17:31)
And now even during COVID because you know, many times funerals
happen rather quickly. Now Celebrations of Life or Memorials are
usually held a later date, but that's not always what families
want. So that's a place where I found that, you know, I couldn't be
as nimble or as helpful or as responsive as I wanted to be. So
that's, that's kind of now on the back burner until I fully retire.
But one place where I could help is with pet memorials and saying
goodbye to an animal companion, a four-legged family member is
really very hard. They're only with us a very short time. And until
October I had four dogs of my own. I only have two now. And my
husband and I also foster dogs. So we've met a lot of dogs, you
know, throughout our marriage and also, you know, throughout our
life together.
Rev. Julie Petroski: (18:30)
And we know exactly what a dog's love is like, I mean, you are
their world. And so when that love is, is no longer with you on a
day to day basis, you don't see those tail wags, you know, you
aren't greeted, it can be really tough and beyond receiving an urn
or a cast of paw prints. I mean, most pet parents don't really have
an option for remembering their four-legged family members. You
know, like most conventional religions don't have a ceremony for
that. And you know that's not a right or wrong thing it is what it
is. And so what I've been doing is I've been helping pet parents
with either a DIY ceremony that I write and their family does
whenever they're ready. Or I also do Celebrant led ceremonies where
I say all the words and they say the responses and things like that
depends, it's really dependent on what their wishes are and what
they would like to do, but a pet Memorial lets them celebrate the
life of this special animal companion and let us all rejoice and
remember the gift of their unconditional love. How to choose their
ceremony and get that flexibility and control, I think helps a lot
of people right now because you know, we don't have control over so
much at the present time.
Rev. Julie Petroski: (19:56)
And I think that's very tough for many people.
Cindy: (19:59)
Yeah. Absolutely. Do you have a favorite ritual that you do for the
pet owners?
Rev. Julie Petroski: (20:07)
Well, I do a lot of different things depending on the individual's
needs. I mean, I really tailor it specifically to that family, but
I'll tell you about one of the DIY ceremonies that I think really
worked out well. And I would, for people who have children, this
might be a good opportunity, to really help the child understand
what's happened and you know, let them be part of the ceremony. One
of the families I've worked with had a very senior dog and
unfortunately it passed away while the family was away on a
vacation. The family was incredibly sad and they a daughter, I
think she was about 11 at the time and the parents really want to
help the daughter through this sad time. And it was the first time
that the child had ever lost anyone in their life that they
loved.
Rev. Julie Petroski: (21:02)
And they didn't really, the parents were like, not sure, like what
should we do? We gotta do something. So I spoke with all the family
members and found out what this animal is like, her name was Ella
and I wrote a ceremony that let the child be the officiant and she
led the ceremony. And so she's an only child and the dog was kind
of like a sibling to her and the parents provided the responses and
they were the congregation for the ceremony and it was held at the
beach near their house, which was Ella's favorite place to walk
with the family. The mother, after the ceremony said to me that it
was truly a relief because, you know, they didn't really know what
to do, but everything by combining all the information that the
family had provided, I came up with something that was very natural
for the daughter to say, it was appropriate for the child's age.
And it also moved the parents in a way that they didn't think was
possible. And the little girl also said that she felt like this was
what her dog needed.
Cindy: (22:18)
Reverend Julie, thank you for talking about that. It seriously
touched my heart. You know, having written it for the 11-year-old
to, to read. We are nearing our time. So I want to know, is there
anything that I should have asked you that I didn't?
Rev. Julie Petroski: (22:34)
Well, one thing I was going to say that you probably do want to
know is I don't get any letters back from the letter mail ministry,
I don't put a return address on them. And the reason I don't do
that is for More Love Letters.Com we're not allowed to share our
address. It's supposed to be a very pure expression of the heart.
Someone out there that you don't know is sending you a love you
deserve. And you know, it's supposed to remind you that even though
you might feel like everyone's a stranger, that we're all connected
and that you matter. And I think that I carried on with that. I
mean, obviously, if people are signing up with my ministry for
mail, they, they know that it's coming from me.
Rev. Julie Petroski: (23:22)
I do sign it Reverend Julie. I mean, they know it's me. So if they
really want to get back in touch with me, those people know how to,
but for the other ways I send mail, I do not give a return address
because I, I do think it's, it's pretty neat that, you know, to be
reminded that you're actually surrounded by kindness and love. And
it's, it's not always what the news is portraying, you know,
kindness and love doesn't sell, uh, newspapers. And it doesn't, you
know, it's not a hot story. Um, but it's out there and people need
to know that that love and light is available to them.
Cindy: (24:01)
You know, thank you for clarifying, because I was going to ask you
that if you received letters back. So, Reverend Julie, if you could
turn back time and talk to your 18 year old self, what would you
tell her about the season of life you're in now?
Rev. Julie Petroski: (24:18)
Girl, you have no idea how much power you have. And I'm serious
about that because in my fifties, the filter is off. I am less
worried about pleasing people and more worried and focused on
speaking the truth. There's no time for games. There's no time for
confusion. Honest talk is not only important. It's critical. And I
think I finally have gotten to the place where I just do what I
need to do. And I'd also like to tell her that that finally, in
your fifties, the world's your oyster, everything you've learned up
until this point has prepared you for this moment. And it's
prepared you to be the very best you, you can be at this moment. So
seize that moment and seize the day and seize your life. Don't let
anybody hold you back and take what's yours. I mean, you've earned
it. You've done all the things to get yourself to where you
are.
Cindy: (25:17)
Thank you. This is a perfect place to end right now. I appreciate
you so much for being on the podcast and everything you're doing
with your letter writing ministry and sending kindness out to the
world. So thank you. Thank you
Rev. Julie Petroski: (25:33)
I really appreciate being a guest.
Speaker 1: (25:36)
Thank you, for listening to this week's episode of Exploring the
Seasons of Life and my conversation with Reverend Julie Petroski,
you can visit Reverend Julie's website@rightwordceremonies.com to
learn about the services she offers and contact her.
If you're interested in ceremony of your own, if you're in Texas or Ontario and want to have a small socially distance wedding in accordance with local restrictions, she would love to help.
And of course, if you'd like mail through her mail ministry, you can email her your name and address to julie@rightwordceremonies.com. And she'll write to you.
I continue to be so grateful for your support and feedback. And I truly love hearing from you. You can reach me via the website, Cynthia macmillan.com or email me at cindy@cynthiamacmillan.com. Sign up for our biweekly newsletter. And we'll let you know what we're working on as well as what we're reading and listening to regarding beginnings endings and the messy bits in between.